I m back though late and to my readers I will take your permission to deviate a little from my last post. I know, I did not complete it which I promise I will but a very interesting turn happened which I will like to share with you. An experience which took a huge turn towards something really BIG.
The summer of 2010 has been a real adventure...how? My research work in a science lab for which I am paid took a back seat with my drive being mostly towards the direction of the hospital to meet doctors. Frustrated?? Yes I was! but it was momentary... but then smile from inside made me smile pretty soon to forget all frustrations. First week of July, rushed in midnight to the emergency..reason being uncontrollable pain and throwing up..couldnot sit upright. It was bad, and then was in the emergency...bowel obstruction due to one of my tumors pressing my colon. well so in emergency the scene was pretty horrifying for me....and my experience with no water given to drink, was not easy. The first 12 hours was painful, then I got up sat down on my bed, closed my eyes and started meditating, forgot my pains and the word that floated before me was 'Acceptance', the beauty of it I just started experiencing. Then by the next day evening I was discharged and came back home, jolly and happy. Wow...what a night I told myself, sitting infront of my altar, I easily slipped into a meditation of gratitude. Started eating but with care, can you imagine eating food that has no or minimum fibre...wow.
I was so glad...reason!! I was to go to the ashram the very next day for the Blessings course with Swami Pragyapadji and all I was praying for in those little more than 24 hrs at the emergency was, I want to go for the course. But how do I go....as commuting from Sherbrooke to St. Mathieu du Parc is not very convenient specially for one like me who doesnot drive. There again my prayer was answered....Anna was my angel this time...I went to Montreal and then Anna drove me to the ashram that evening and then driving back early morning the very next day to go to her work. Yes she was my Saarthi...and as I progress you will see that she has been so again and again..
I was there doing my Blessings course and viola...one cannot ask for anything more as this course I call is the "Zenith of ones search for ones self". I returned just filled with BLISS.
Time was running, I was on and off in pain, mostly dwelling on liquid food. bad bad bad...as I am a foodie...:)...and love to cook as well.
The next event was Guruji's visit to the ashram and I knew I will be there, once again in bliss. Back after that filled with HIS love and the feeling of gratitude there was something which shifted...I got caught in my physical self once again...the pain returned, my chemo was not working, fear crept in (fear as i experienced it 100% was rooted in the worry about the future)..I was mess at one moment and the next moment I could feel meditating at times with open eyes. It was something happening which I didnot take any notice of. Once again in the last week just 3 days before I was to travel to Hartford for Gurupoornima I was admitted in hospital, and this time again, all my mind was filled with was I will go to the Gurupoornima. The night before we were to drive, my angels arrived from montreal, they stayed at my home while I was lying flat with all IV's in the emergency. But at night past midnight I was released...and my labmate -Marie-eve, who always takes care of me, drove me to my home and yuppie there I was traveling the next morning with my angels to Hartford.
At Hartford just being in the presence of my Guru, my guide, my everything, I was back in bliss amidst the time to time pain. I had to get injections...which I carried with me and there it was...Bhartiji, Louise was always there to give it to me. Once again I experience the Grace as always. It was the most amazing time. During the GuruPuja I experience the Gratitude in such bounty that every cell of my body was chanting "Gurur Brahma...Gurur Vishnu....". It was some experience....amazing, wonderful.... AND YES....THIS WAS MY FIRST EVERY GURU-POORNIMA IN THE PHYSICAL PRESENCE OF MY GURU... :)
With this the eventful month of July came to an end. It was a journey of Grace, Gratitude and Bliss I experienced through my physical discomfort. When I saw Mausumi from the point of not being her, I saw her smiling and happy almost every moment. I use almost as there were times when my physical discomfort did take over even though for those moments became smaller and smaller with every passing moments.
The GRACE of my Guru carries me through...and tears of gratitude runs down my cheek at every thought of my love..my GURU...
To be continued......
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Once lost but now I am found
Life is beautiful and varieties make it interesting. As a child we all have heard someone or the other tell us..
"If wealth is lost, nothing is lost
If health is lost, something is lost
If character is lost, everything is lost'.
I heard it for the first time from Ma (mom), who had this usual way of teaching me things about life, while walking with her or while just playing some games. Of these three lines, the last formed a strong pillar and I somehow neglected the first two completely. Fair enough, I abided the third with all devotion.
But there was something else Ma told me:to perform in whatever I do, to excel rather. If I came second she would not scold me but sweetly tell that it meant I flunked by the number of marks. Once again I took her words in all seriousness and put my attention to perform and excel. It seemed so correct to me and from her viewpoint I knew she wanted me to do everything and make a mark for myself. Coming from a middle class family in India, life of a child is all about education and career. There are other things also she taught which I will talk about later.
So where did I get lost... In the run to excel, with time what I accumulated were accolades in grades and along with a huge mountain of stress. Didnot realize that I was walking amidst the path of unhealthy life style, where competition led to wrong thoughts, unhealthy setup of mind as a result accumulation of stress which didnot find any way to vent out. Our body which is like a machine that functions through various pumps, motors, fluid pathways like any other mechanical instrument at the physical level. Stress is like a pressure which creates leaks within the system, resulting the whole mechanical system of the physical body go hay way. Talking in medical terms it is a well known factor that stress increases the secretion of the hormone cortisol and if one looks closer to what it does, increase in cortisol disbalances the whole endocrine system (production of various hormones necessary for our physical body to function) of our body resulting is many diseases. So that is the power of stress.
So that is where I lost. My pump and motor system gave up to stress and made me terminally sick. Such a simple thing to understand but still the medical terms makes it so complicated. I lost but then I found....
I found myself back, the self which is not just the mere physical existence but much beyond. I found myself through the courses I did in Art of Living. I knew theoretically the importance of present moment, but through the course I learnt it at the experiantial level. I knew the power of breathe but once again in theory and the Art of living course , YES!+ etc.. made me learn through my own experience. Such is the power.
Today while I type this I still excel, I do lot more than I ever did before but the burden of stress is not noticeable. The things that would take me few hours to accomplish, today I get it done in much lesser time. My lifestyle when it comes to competing is much more healthier...I donot think I have to excel by pushing others or but not sharing, rather I move forward in whatever task I do taking everyone with me. Where I used to doubt others intention, now I see positive vibes in everyone I meet. Its amazing and at times I wish, had I got this key to the 'success without stress" formula earlier...ha! ha!...But then I got it which is beautiful in itself...
I will continue this in my next post so come back.....
"If wealth is lost, nothing is lost
If health is lost, something is lost
If character is lost, everything is lost'.
I heard it for the first time from Ma (mom), who had this usual way of teaching me things about life, while walking with her or while just playing some games. Of these three lines, the last formed a strong pillar and I somehow neglected the first two completely. Fair enough, I abided the third with all devotion.
But there was something else Ma told me:to perform in whatever I do, to excel rather. If I came second she would not scold me but sweetly tell that it meant I flunked by the number of marks. Once again I took her words in all seriousness and put my attention to perform and excel. It seemed so correct to me and from her viewpoint I knew she wanted me to do everything and make a mark for myself. Coming from a middle class family in India, life of a child is all about education and career. There are other things also she taught which I will talk about later.
So where did I get lost... In the run to excel, with time what I accumulated were accolades in grades and along with a huge mountain of stress. Didnot realize that I was walking amidst the path of unhealthy life style, where competition led to wrong thoughts, unhealthy setup of mind as a result accumulation of stress which didnot find any way to vent out. Our body which is like a machine that functions through various pumps, motors, fluid pathways like any other mechanical instrument at the physical level. Stress is like a pressure which creates leaks within the system, resulting the whole mechanical system of the physical body go hay way. Talking in medical terms it is a well known factor that stress increases the secretion of the hormone cortisol and if one looks closer to what it does, increase in cortisol disbalances the whole endocrine system (production of various hormones necessary for our physical body to function) of our body resulting is many diseases. So that is the power of stress.
So that is where I lost. My pump and motor system gave up to stress and made me terminally sick. Such a simple thing to understand but still the medical terms makes it so complicated. I lost but then I found....
I found myself back, the self which is not just the mere physical existence but much beyond. I found myself through the courses I did in Art of Living. I knew theoretically the importance of present moment, but through the course I learnt it at the experiantial level. I knew the power of breathe but once again in theory and the Art of living course , YES!+ etc.. made me learn through my own experience. Such is the power.
Today while I type this I still excel, I do lot more than I ever did before but the burden of stress is not noticeable. The things that would take me few hours to accomplish, today I get it done in much lesser time. My lifestyle when it comes to competing is much more healthier...I donot think I have to excel by pushing others or but not sharing, rather I move forward in whatever task I do taking everyone with me. Where I used to doubt others intention, now I see positive vibes in everyone I meet. Its amazing and at times I wish, had I got this key to the 'success without stress" formula earlier...ha! ha!...But then I got it which is beautiful in itself...
I will continue this in my next post so come back.....
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The morning sun
I opened my eyes and walked accross the room
Pulled the curtain to see the outside bloom,
What I saw was like a blessed dawn
The valley across filled with the large glowing sun
I didnot have any second thought
Got my yoga mat to do few rounds of sun salutation
It felt so good, as if it all dawned on me
The morning beauty with the glowing sun
Singing to me with the chirpping of the birds
I closed my eyes and could feel
The freshness in the air and my Guru's feet.
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