I m back though late and to my readers I will take your permission to deviate a little from my last post. I know, I did not complete it which I promise I will but a very interesting turn happened which I will like to share with you. An experience which took a huge turn towards something really BIG.
The summer of 2010 has been a real adventure...how? My research work in a science lab for which I am paid took a back seat with my drive being mostly towards the direction of the hospital to meet doctors. Frustrated?? Yes I was! but it was momentary... but then smile from inside made me smile pretty soon to forget all frustrations. First week of July, rushed in midnight to the emergency..reason being uncontrollable pain and throwing up..couldnot sit upright. It was bad, and then was in the emergency...bowel obstruction due to one of my tumors pressing my colon. well so in emergency the scene was pretty horrifying for me....and my experience with no water given to drink, was not easy. The first 12 hours was painful, then I got up sat down on my bed, closed my eyes and started meditating, forgot my pains and the word that floated before me was 'Acceptance', the beauty of it I just started experiencing. Then by the next day evening I was discharged and came back home, jolly and happy. Wow...what a night I told myself, sitting infront of my altar, I easily slipped into a meditation of gratitude. Started eating but with care, can you imagine eating food that has no or minimum fibre...wow.
I was so glad...reason!! I was to go to the ashram the very next day for the Blessings course with Swami Pragyapadji and all I was praying for in those little more than 24 hrs at the emergency was, I want to go for the course. But how do I go....as commuting from Sherbrooke to St. Mathieu du Parc is not very convenient specially for one like me who doesnot drive. There again my prayer was answered....Anna was my angel this time...I went to Montreal and then Anna drove me to the ashram that evening and then driving back early morning the very next day to go to her work. Yes she was my Saarthi...and as I progress you will see that she has been so again and again..
I was there doing my Blessings course and viola...one cannot ask for anything more as this course I call is the "Zenith of ones search for ones self". I returned just filled with BLISS.
Time was running, I was on and off in pain, mostly dwelling on liquid food. bad bad bad...as I am a foodie...:)...and love to cook as well.
The next event was Guruji's visit to the ashram and I knew I will be there, once again in bliss. Back after that filled with HIS love and the feeling of gratitude there was something which shifted...I got caught in my physical self once again...the pain returned, my chemo was not working, fear crept in (fear as i experienced it 100% was rooted in the worry about the future)..I was mess at one moment and the next moment I could feel meditating at times with open eyes. It was something happening which I didnot take any notice of. Once again in the last week just 3 days before I was to travel to Hartford for Gurupoornima I was admitted in hospital, and this time again, all my mind was filled with was I will go to the Gurupoornima. The night before we were to drive, my angels arrived from montreal, they stayed at my home while I was lying flat with all IV's in the emergency. But at night past midnight I was released...and my labmate -Marie-eve, who always takes care of me, drove me to my home and yuppie there I was traveling the next morning with my angels to Hartford.
At Hartford just being in the presence of my Guru, my guide, my everything, I was back in bliss amidst the time to time pain. I had to get injections...which I carried with me and there it was...Bhartiji, Louise was always there to give it to me. Once again I experience the Grace as always. It was the most amazing time. During the GuruPuja I experience the Gratitude in such bounty that every cell of my body was chanting "Gurur Brahma...Gurur Vishnu....". It was some experience....amazing, wonderful.... AND YES....THIS WAS MY FIRST EVERY GURU-POORNIMA IN THE PHYSICAL PRESENCE OF MY GURU... :)
With this the eventful month of July came to an end. It was a journey of Grace, Gratitude and Bliss I experienced through my physical discomfort. When I saw Mausumi from the point of not being her, I saw her smiling and happy almost every moment. I use almost as there were times when my physical discomfort did take over even though for those moments became smaller and smaller with every passing moments.
The GRACE of my Guru carries me through...and tears of gratitude runs down my cheek at every thought of my love..my GURU...
To be continued......
